11 May The Power Of Self-Validation
When you are going through an arduous time, you may often feel alone. But for most people, there is a whole tribe around you who can help! You have to recognize that confiding in a trusted friend, co-worker, or family member can be the first step toward building a system of support that will help you. Or unfortunately, you are the kind of person to expect support and encouragement from people you consider close and they turn around and completely reject, criticize, or worse, laugh at you.
“It can be really hard to swallow all the “noise” around you (Tan).” This is true. You can feel like you have a support system, but they aren’t supporting the path you deem is right for your life. It is hard to tune this out and follow your own way of believing. It is surprising how quickly our expectations of how others will act will trigger negative emotions such as anger, righteous indignation, self-pity, and jealousy. We can’t appreciate what comes our way, instead smoldering about how we didn’t get the recognition we think we deserve.
The need for approval kills freedom (Crouch).” Which is why we need to focus on self-validation. By accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts and feelings, you calm yourself and manage your emotions more effectively. When you reject or deprive yourself, you aggravate your feelings. This happens because you feel bad about two things: “the original incident and the pain you are causing yourself (Deschene).”
You need to start validating yourself in action. Whenever you address your needs, you reinforce to yourself that they are important, regardless of whatever you did or didn’t do previously. You can validate yourself by simple acts, such as taking a walk, stopping to drink water and breathe, nap and just plain alone time to center yourself.
Here is a little guide by Alden Tan of reminders that can hopefully help you keep going if you feel alone.
1. Your passion is a priority.
2. Life is short.
3. Others may not fully understand.
4. Sometimes others are insecure.
5. Remember anything is possible.
6. You can do this without their support.
7. You can’t please everyone in life.
Not everyone is alone, or not have any support. There are families who embrace you and your life changes, or co-workers who understand, or friends who will be with you no matter what. Finding the right people to surround yourself with is key. You should try to constantly surround yourself with positivity.
It is important to remember you cannot control others’ feelings, emotions, and attitudes. The absolute best advice I can give is to don’t give them power over you.